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AlJoTu
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PathStep 40 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupTeen Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 29, 2024
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How do I not become an abusive narcissist?
Personality Disorders Support / by AlJoTu
Last post
 December 20th, 2024
...See more I know it sounds like my answer is “just don’t hurt people you love” but please hear me out. In April this year I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was raised around an abusive mother with a long line a personality disorders, one of them being BPD. I vowed to never become like her, but this just felt like a step in that direction. In September I cut off all contact with her and I thought things would get better, and they did… to a point. Recently I’ve been noticing a lot of parallels between her behavior and mine. It’s not ok and I know that, but I don’t know how to stop. I say really hurtful things when I’m upset because I get into a mentality of “you hurt me so I’m going to hurt you” even if that initial “hurt” was something small. I feel like a completely different person with different values when I’m like that, so it feels impossible to “catch myself”. I’ve done lasting damage to my relationships in the past, things I will forever regret. I have to do better. I CANT let this be my future. I need help. Thing is, I’m afraid to share these fears with my family because what if it’s their final straw? What if they give up on me because they’ve seen what I could become? I mean my dad left my mom because of her behaviors, so wouldn’t he leave me? I’m afraid to draw that connection around him cause I don’t know how he will react. My dad’s a good person and I know he won’t up and ditch me while I’m a minor, but what about when I turn 18? Will he leave me then? I don’t know what to do, and this is the best place I could think of to ask for help. Sorry for the long post.
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