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Akeri
2 4,267 M Seeking Light 5
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts581 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 12, 2023
Recent forum posts
Looking for @sadnessUnending
Pen Pals / by Akeri
Last post
 October 28th
...See more Hello,  I was sitting around in a chat and noticed that we seem to have similar situations, but you weren't treated kindly for your expressions. I was on a call at the time, but I want you to know that I get it, and also that your Japanese spelling is very good! If you find this message, or if someone knows this member, please comment here. Thanks! ありがとう！ @sadnessUnending
Alter seeking a Listener
Trauma Support / by Akeri
Last post
 March 21st
...See more Hello, I'm looking for a listener for one of my alters who suffers social anxiety, managing emotions, and probably some generalized personality disorder. I'm hoping to get him familiarized with talking to other people in a safe space. The general queue has left him wanting for someone who can type a full sentence rather than "hi" "how r u" I also had no idea how hard it would be to come by Verified Listeners who have their status set of online, and then actually get a reply. Each time he's tried, the Listener would change their status to offline, or simply not respond. The type of listener he's looking for doesn't have to be Verified, but they do need to be able to carry an educated conversation to some degree, or he'll consider his time wasted. If you think you can help us out, please send a PM so that we can connect.  Thanks for your time and energy!
20 Years of Dissociative Coping
Trauma Support / by Akeri
Last post
 March 2nd
...See more I've had dissociative symptoms for almost 20 years. I haven't read the research for the condition because I didn't want to admit that these symptoms are real for me. After I had a psychiatric break last November, and I could suddenly see how many ways my life had been affected by dissociation. Now, for the first time since I was 15, I'm starting to seek help with my symptoms. My experience with dissociation has evolved over time. Especially since I've left it untreated for so long. Most of my alters serve different functions than they did earlier in my life. Some have transformed almost completely into something new, or at least something unrecognizable to me from who they once were. I don't know what this says about my symptoms now, but after 20 years, I'm very, very deeply bonded to my protector part. I don't ever talk about this at all but my earliest tattoo was of his name, to honor his significance in my life. That was 11 years ago, and I haven't regretted respecting his presence in that way a day since. He's kept me alive for a long, long time. I sometimes joke with myself that I might request to have his name memorialized alongside mine as a nickname on my headstone one day. We're not friends, him and me. My protector part doesn't really recognize that I exist. We never communicate verbally, and although I can give him subtle clues and sensations about the world around us, I don't think he understands where those, I guess, "sixth sense" type feelings come from. I believe that I'm hosting for my alters. But heck, I'm not even confident in that anymore. The separation between all 9 of us in total is not as defined as it used to be. I was wanting to believe this meant we were naturally coming close to integration, but I was wrong. It's just a distortion of what used to be, and I still have a strong need for continuous psychotherapy to piece it out. I read some of the forum posts here a few days ago and the understanding that hosts can change over a lifetime was something I'd never considered possible before. That said, I remember the exact place and point where I became I. Does that make sense? I think it's probable that I didn't have the means on my own to understand what might I might have been experiencing at the time. Since I don't know too much about this condition or whole range of symptoms associated with it, and I'm still too anxious and sensitive to feel called out by the recorded research data, I have a few questions. - Do you have similar experiences to some of the ones I've described here? - Does anyone have any more insight about host exchange? - How about alters who indirectly support a host by only recognizing and interacting with other alters? - Am I even using any of the vocabulary surrounding this condition correctly? - Would anyone be willing to share their own stories and experiences with me through PM? I appreciate the time it took to read this through. Thanks for your patience. :)
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