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8NeverForever8
1 689 M Little Steps
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts82 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceJune 15, 2015
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Grief, boundaries and a New Relationship
Relationship Stress / by 8NeverForever8
Last post
 November 28th, 2022
...See more First, thank you for anyone taking the time to read. I would love if you may be able to contribute your perspective, as I'm very confused about how to handle the situation. I met a man about 3 months ago online. He was just coming out of a major depression after the death of his mother. When she passed he quit his job and spent 8 months pretty much just drinking and he lost some friends. At first I didn't understand why friends would leave in a time of need.... but now I think I might. I met him 1.5 years after her death and he still was drinking allot. We talked all of the time, and we'd have some really good conversations for 5 and 6 hours at a time. Sometimes he'd get a little passive aggressive with me, and I'd call him out on it. He would apologize, and the things that really upset me, he still doesn't do to this day. He seems to have pretty high emotional intelligence for the most part. Something I really have to work on as I have an avoidance attachment style. A month into it, his dad passed. The drinking and passive aggression got allot worse. It got to the point that I asked him not to call if he was drinking. I felt bad because I wanted to be there for him, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. He got it together on his attitude, but continued to drink and I didn't care that he as drunk when he called. It's the holidays now. A few weeks ago he stopped calling as much. Our conversations were short, but the ones we had would end up in arguments. Of course he's always drinking. There are other problems too. Like making plans and then canceling often. I have allot to work around so I understand sometimes he can't make it.... but I feel like a sucker at this point. This is hard. I don't want to not be there for him.... but I don't want to take punches either. How do I set boundaries? Am I an *** for even thinking I should? Am I being too hard on him? Not understanding enough? I'm also scared. It's only been 3 months. Is this grief coming out? Or the "real" him? Thank you.
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