Moderated by
Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor
Licensed Professional Counselor
I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.
Top Rated Answers
By continuing to be their friend. Presumably they would remain the same wonderful person that they were before I knew they were gay.
First off, you are a wonderful friend for wanting to support your friend. Being there for someone is huge. Secondly, I don't know the details of this situation, but if you are in a community in which being gay is viewed negatively and/or your friend is getting bullied, if you (and perhaps other friends and classmates, if you're in school) can stand up and speak out against homophobia, that is great. Being an ally and helping to create safe spaces for those who are being marginalized is super important. That said, I recognize that standing up in the face of prejudice is far easier said than done. Does your school or community have a local Gay-Straight Alliance Network (GSA)? If so, if your friend is unaware of it, you could tell them about it, and also join yourself. If there isn't one, you could consider working with others to start one: https://gsanetwork.org/get-involved/start-gsa. I think these tend to be in schools, but maybe also in communities in general?
Lastly, on a more personal note, I would say just listening to your friend, validating how they feel, and asking them what they need to feel safe, loved, good about themselves, etc., not making assumptions or speaking over them (not saying you're doing this!) is very important too. Letting your friend know you are there for them may sound small but I think it's actually huge.
Take care!
There is honestly not much to it when supporting a gay friend. They shouldn't get special treatment because they have a different preference when it comes to relationships/interests. But you can support them by seriously being there for them and not treat them differently in a negative manner. Just think of it, how would you want to be treated by your friends? :)
Do whatever you can to ensure that they are in a safe, judgment-free environment. Don't try to "cure" them, and don't try to dictate their life. Just let them be them, and offer support when they need it.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2014 12:58pm
Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what. It is important for them to know that you support them, and that you are someone they can talk to about it.
By not acting any different, generally when they talk about the gender they like, act as if you were talking about the same gender as well. Don't make any rude jokes about gays, and support them through and through.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2016 6:33pm
Love them unconditionally, listen to them when they are down and not having a good day, and hang out with them. Treat them like you did with any one of your friends. As a human being.
Even just letting them know you're there if they ever need to talk or vent is a great place to start.
Listen to him, and of course , Looking up for information about the LGTB Community. It is important have good sources of information
Anonymous
December 29th, 2015 2:11pm
He's your friend. He's gay. Does it negatively affect you? Sexual orientation is something people can't control, so...
As a friend I would tell them that they are brave for coming out to me if they do so. If not I will be just as supportive as I would be to any of my straight friend. As a gay myself, I have had friends tell me that they were gay and I was more then happy to tell them Yaay.
#1 = Listen without judgement and seek to understand what they are saying when they express themselves. Listen to hear how they are feeling. Ask them how you can support them if they're having a hard time. It helps to be inclusive of them and their partner(s) when you're doing things you'd normally involve people's friends/partners too (like a dinner or party). Don't shy away from the topic, but DO ask them if they are out to everyone, or need it to be a secret sometimes. DON'T out them to ANYONE. It makes things unsafe for them - emotionally, physically, economically, and/or psychologically. And, remember they are the same friend you've always had, they're just showing they are more comfortable with you now and able to reveal this part of themselves to you.
Money. Lots of money. Just kidding! :) Probably you should ask them what they would like you to do, since different people have different needs. It's important to listen to them and believe them about their own experiences, though, even if they've experienced things that seem unlikely to you.
Letting him know you support him and you'll always be there for him is the greatest thing you can do! It will mean a lot to him. Make sure he knows he can talk about anything with you, you'll be there to listen and support him through everything. If you feel like it, you can also go together to LGBT related events like prides, public demonstrations or cultural events. Sometimes it's good to feel like a part of a big community!
Simple, treat them like you would treat any person. Just because they are gay doesnt mean they should be treated any differently. Be kind to them, and make sure you stand up for him/her if anyone is giving them a hard time for being gay, tell them that you dont really care that they are gay as it doesnt make a difference to you :)
Anonymous
June 4th, 2015 8:24am
Remind him that you're there for him, don't try to change him, and just keep doing what you're doing! If you're already a good friend and supportive of him, then nothing in your relationship really has to change.. I personally would feel uncomfortable if my friends started making a big deal out of it when I came out to them. :)
Simply being there for them and accepting them for who they are is probably the most important thing here. Allow them to talk to you about any worries or problems they may be having and truly listen and support them.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2021 5:58pm
Listen to them and allow them time to discuss how they feel. Explain to them that there is nothing 'wrong' about being gay, and that you will always be there and support them no matter what. This reassurance can do wonders for someone who is coming out, and shows them that they are loved regardless of who they are. Having gone through this myself, my friends were amazing and did just that, support, and reassure me that it is okay to be me, whomever that may be. You can always be a listening ear, and show you care by listening and talking and sharing your experiences with them. :)
Exactly like you would support any other friend. It's often enough for us to just offer our friends a place where they can express themselves. It's even more to try and understand their problem. Not fix it - mind you, but to at least try and get at least a little part of their perspective. Focus on letting them inform you of what the nature of the problem is and what is and isn't helpful towards it. Once you begin to see it from their point of view, it helps you to point out things you can see from where they are standing.
First of all, I’d start by letting them knowing that you will always be there for them, that you support them and that your relationship has not changed in any way.
Then, I would make sure that I stick to these three things. It they’ve just got to the stage where they’re coming out to people, you certainly need to be there for them not matter what. You should also feel proud of yourself that a friend feels like you’re one of the first people they can turn to and tell something that’s such a big part of their life. This will help immensely in their situation, as it can be quite a tough and challenging one. Sometimes you may come into some difficult moments between you and your friend, and it ma y seem like they do not appreciate the help you have been providing, but just know that they may be going through some stressful times, I personally know that it can be.
In short: treat them like you have been before, just showing more care and support (especially when it may seem like they need it the most).
Anonymous
November 10th, 2020 3:31pm
Gay people have always had a hard time with being truly who they are, so first of all i am very proud of you for being understanding and brave! as a gay person myself, what i feel like would be the best support is firstly understanding my sexuality, because that would make me feel safer in the environment i'm in. then, i feel like it's important to stand up for them when they aren't able to. sometimes homophobic people bully us and it's hard for us to stand up for ourselves and say anything. that's where the support of lgbtq+ allies is very important. explain someone a bit more, and they might even understand and stop bullying your friend (just an example) overall, you don't have to do anything spectacular but treat them normally, cause after all who they are- human beings.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2020 9:02pm
It's in the word, just be supportive, be there for them. If you are unsure, asking them directly might be a good thing to do. However, if you are not comfortable doing this, in your friend's situation, I would just want to know that I was loved and accepted by you and that being gay wouldn't affect our friendship. All you can do if be good friends and good friends accept you no matter what. But hey, don't overthink it, I'm sure you just accepting them makes their life just that little bit easier. Coming out is hard to do, and the fact that they have trusted you with this massive truth means that they value you highly, and believe you can be there for them, which you can. overall, just accept, and if you can, support them. Tell them they are loved and simply be there as the friend you are.
Just accept them. They aren't any different than they were before. They are still wonderful people, no matter what their orientation/gender/pizza preference is.
Hi, you can support this friend by not discriminating them. I know this sounds like a generic answer, but coming from personal experience, being supported and not being discriminated against goes. a long way. If they're gay, try not to make any "Gay" jokes around them unless they're completely comfortable with it. Check with them first. Make sure they won't be hurt by them. Make sure they're comfortable with who they're around before inviting them out to an outing or to spend time with family. If they're around someone homophobic i might make them very uncomfortable and they might not want to be put in that situation again. Best of luck.
Learn about the LGBTQ+ community. Read/watch/listen to stories, and just learn about how it works, etc. Also, talk to your friend. Most people in the community would be glad that you are asking, because it means that you are willing to learn or support the community and them. Don't treat them any differently as you would a straight friend just because they are gay, and if you haven't already, work on normalizing LGBTQ+ in your life. I am sure they would be fine with answering some questions if it means that you are going to be more supportive or learn more about the community.
Just make sure they are aware that you are there for them if they need to talk. Having a supportive friend goes a long way!
Anonymous
January 29th, 2018 5:06pm
Make sure that you are supportive and that they know this. Also make sure that there is no judgement and when trying to ask questions, try not to be patronising.
Being gay is a part of a person's innate sense of self. Who we love is important. However, it does not define a person. Your friend is still the person you care about and trust. So, be supporting and loving towards them. Coming out is never an easy thing, and they put their faith in you. So be kind and be fierce in your loyalty towards them when they may need it.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2017 7:19pm
Just by accepting the fact that he is still what he always was and understanding what he is going through you can show your support. Being his friend always will help him the most.
Simply saying "I support you" helps already a lot. Listen to them, if they need to tell somebody about their worries and hopes.
Talk to an expert therapist
Hello, my name is Lianne and I look forward to connecting with you by chat...
Talk to Lianne NowRelated Questions: How can I support my friend who is gay?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?How do you build a chosen family? If you feel you have one, how did it come about?